20 Things I Learned From Tech Support


  • As long as the world turns, users will still have problems
  • Substance abusers and computer operators are the only folks called users. This isn’t by chance
  • When in doubt. Reboot
  • Sooner or later you will meet a person who types out the words “backslash” or forgets to plug in the power cord. If you haven’t yet, just wait, you will
  • Fear the phone. No one just calls tech support to wish you good morning
  • No user will tell you the whole truth at the beginning of a call
  • “I didn’t do anything” or “It just happened” Are the users mantra
  • As a support tech, it is your job to break down resistance and get the truth
  • This is so you can rub the lie in their face, fixing the issue is just a perk
  • Some people will never learn
  • This means you will always have a job
  • Maintain a calm voice, even if you’re screaming on the inside
  • The hold button is your friend
  • Whatever you do, don’t panic
  • The answer to all users questions should be “Trust me, I know what I’m doing” even if this is a bald-faced lie
  • Users can smell fear. Once you’ve lost control, all is lost
  • A user who is not listening to you anymore, but rather is trying “their own thing” is not worth your time. Simulate a telephone disconnect and hang up. Trust me, you’re better off.
  • Sometimes fixing a computer is easier than figuring out why it was broken
  • Users always want a reason things are fixed. If you’re not sure just lie. They won’t know anyway. “A stray electron passed through the processor and caused…”
  • If possible ask to speak to the youngest person present
    clickety clickety…
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